1. The Science Behind Pet Peeves

What annoys us and why? We dig into the science of Pet Peeves in Episode 1!

Host: Rachel Blackmon Bryars

Discussion Points:   

[12:15] NPR science correspondent Joe Palca and his co-author Flora Lichtman’s book “Annoying: The Science of What Bugs Us” 

According to Palca and Lichtman, whatever is going on will likely lead to annoyance if it is: UNPLEASANT, UNPREDICTABLE, and of UNCERTAIN DURATION.

[17:50] 2016 Personality and Individual Differences Women are more sensitive to irksome behavior than men.

[18:25] Stanford study about gender differences and interruption.

[22:55] Annals of Medical and Health Sciences Research study on personality traits and how people react to annoying noises.

[25:55] Link to an Enneagram test

[26:00]  Do’s and Don’ts for leading different Enneagram Types from Building a Storybrand podcast with Donald Miller, guest Ian Cron

[27:30] Annals of Medical and Health Sciences Research on annoyance and mental health

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Connect with Mary Scott Hunter on InstagramFacebook, and Twitter.   

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Connect with Liz Beshears on InstagramLizzy Is Dizzy, Twitter, and LinkedIn

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Rachel: [00:00:31] Hello and welcome to Belle Curve. My name is Rachel Blackmon Bryars. I am joined by my co-host Mary Scott Hunter. Hello, and Liz BeShears! So today, we’re discussing annoyance as in you know, [00:00:46] what bugs us, our pet peeves we might call them, and why they bug us. I mean have you ever wondered why certain situations tend to drive you crazy or thought about if there’s any patterns there, for example, maybe your pet peeves have to do with strong smells [00:01:01] or interruptions, if you have small kids like me or maybe noises. This topic of annoyance and pet peeves particularly fascinates me and guys, you already know this about me, but I’m annoyed that I get annoyed. [00:01:16] I want to be a better person. I want to be a Kinder person and I find that when I have this pet peeves, I don’t feel like that kind person. So that’s why I wanted to talk about that this week and just, you know, kind of pick you guys as brains and see how can we cope with this maybe [00:01:31] even overcome those moments when we’re not our best selves and get annoyed. For example, I’ll spill the tea as my teenage daughter says on something that drives me absolutely crazy. So I like to go sit in our church’s Chapel which is supposed to be a silent [00:01:46] Chapel. I don’t know if you all have this at your church, but you go in you can meditate and pray and I do this every day. I dropped my five kids off at school I go in for about 10 minutes. I meditate I pray but please don’t think I’m too spiritual because this place of Great peace [00:02:01] is also sort of a source of great irritation to me. I get so annoyed by the sounds that people make so there’s the person who comes in with the noisy [00:02:16] plastic bags in the crackling raincoat who sighs heavily every few minutes. There’s the gentleman who doesn’t really care. It’s a silent chapel and may be hard of hearing because he talks loudly to the people around him.

[00:02:31] And the other day there was this woman in the chapel with me and she started audibly whispering some prayers. So, you know, this is a good thing she’s praying, but I’m sitting there trying to be silent and pray and it literally felt like [00:02:46] like her whispered prayers felt to me like a small child poking me on the arm, like every little syllable 

Mary Scott: Did she not see the sign at the door that this was a silent chapel? 

Rachel: That’s part of what drives me so crazy and I ended up just having to get up, you know and leave because [00:03:01] it was annoying me more than it should. So, guys. I don’t want to be annoyed by these things. I think something has to change within me. But but I wonder is this physiological can I can I really help this? So I think we’re going to we’re going to talk about a few of those scientific little [00:03:16] tidbits today about why we get annoyed. But I’m dying to hear from my co-host Mary Scott Hunter and Elizabeth BeShears we call her Liz. First of all what drives you crazy, but I’m also interested in what you might do that your friends, maybe your spouses [00:03:31] children, maybe have said that you do that drives them crazy and I’ll share mine too. 

Mary Scott: I really love my name Mary Scott Hunter. Mary Scott is my first name Hunter is my last name. It’s not that hard. I have a different name entirely [00:03:46] from my husband. His name is John Schultz. Our children all have Hunter as their middle name and Schultz is their last name and I just don’t think that’s all that complicated and my own church, you know Christmas cards. They just butcher[00:04:01] our names. Mr. Hunter Mrs. Schultz, you know when in conversation people will call me Mary said of Mary Scott. I just so I make an effort to get people’s names right. I’ve always done that because [00:04:16] it annoys me that that and I just think it’s a point where you have to demonstrate that you care. Get people’s names right spelling right understand what their names are and just saying the right way. 

Rache. so funny and now I’m like thinking about that letter I sent you. Like oh no, did I [00:04:31] right? Mr. And mrs. Hunter? 

Mary Scott: My husband says that when people call asking for, you know to sell you something on the telephone, he knows that they don’t know him if they say is Mr. Hunter. Mr. Hunter here. He said no, he [00:04:46] is in Daphne. 

Liz: Yeah, so Mary Scott and I used to work together. And anytime someone coming Oh, Mary, how are you out? I would just like oh cover my face palm on your behalf because I do know that is something that has [00:05:01] bothered you your entire life. And like you said it that is a thing that you would hope people would you know, stick in their brains because you know, you don’t introduce yourself as Mary you never you know, it’s always Mary Scott and so even when you know, when we abbreviate [00:05:16] your name and text conversations and stuff, it’s always MS or MSH. It’s never just Mary. Mary Scott. 

Rachel: It’s a southern thing right? Like there’s so many Mary Jane’s marry this girl.

Liz: Exactly, you would [00:05:31] think because it’s such a common double first names or such a common thing in the South that more people would be used to it. 

Mary Scott: Southerners should get it right especially that’s my that’s my feeling. Absolutely. All right Liz what annoys you?

Liz: I love my husband so much. [00:05:46] He’s such a wonderful guy and he does so much to help out around the house but a little thing that he does, and it’s just it’s so small that I feel so bad about it even annoying me, but for some reason he closes his after he gets dressed in the morning. He closes [00:06:01] his drawers most of the way not all of the way they’re not all the way closed. And so every morning after he leaves I go in there and I closed the doors all the way and he knows this is something that annoys me but it’s not a thing [00:06:16] worth making a fuss over. So it’s another like Rachel you were saying I feel like I need to be better at developing some Grace over this issue because it’s so small and so inconsequential

But every morning I’m [00:06:31] just like why aren’t these drawers all the way closed.

Mary Scott: You really have to go to some effort to only close a drawer half way!

Rachel: To make you feel better Liz because Pepper when we first got married that was his pet peeve about me except what really [00:06:46] got him was not if it wasn’t closed all the way. But if there was a little bit of clothes like Part clothes poking out so like, you know, somebody just hadn’t tucked it in that drove him crazy and I guess I did that all the time. So maybe that’s more common [00:07:01] than than we think okay. So this is this is kind of a hard one. But you know, let’s just bare our souls here. What do you think you do that someone has told you hey, that’s driving me crazy. 

Liz: I’ll go [00:07:16] first on this one since I just threw my husband under the bus little bit. I’ll do something that I know I do that. I know annoys him. So we very much share in the house work where we it’s not like we split it up equally or anything like that.

Just if something needs to be [00:07:31] done one of us does it and because I work from home a lot of the times I’ll just do laundry throughout the day just to stay on top of things. And sometimes I forget to put laundry in the dryer, or I forget to take laundry out [00:07:46] of the dryer and then stuff gets wrinkled. And that is something from the beginning of our marriage that my husband has said

Mary Scott: I’m crying! 

Rachel: and then it gets all mildewed!

Liz: it never gets to that point [00:08:12] I just might put it in at lunch time and forget about it. But it’s one of the things about motherhood that just scares me to death, because I know how much my mom did laundry when the six of us were growing up. I cannot imagine and I feel like I have so much laundry now, I mean, we do a load at least every other day, but it never gets to the mildewy point [00:08:27] it just I might put it in at lunch and forget to put it in the dryer by the time he gets home from work around 5:00. So it’s never too long. It’s just it really bothers him because he doesn’t like to iron so he want he wants everything to come out of the dryer [00:08:42] as soon as possible. So it’s not wrinkled. So yeah, that’s the thing that I do that that really annoys him and we’ve never had an argument about it, but I can just see him like I know I asked her to do this a hundred times every time he comes home and there’s something still in the washer dryer [00:08:57]

Mary Scott: alright Madame mother of five children Rachel. Imagine what you get annoyed by. 

Rachel: Okay, so I think I probably if I had to say my biggest pet peeve probably falls under the category of being interrupted and so, you know, five little kids that’s [00:09:12] just going to happen a lot and I think I’ve grown a lot in patience, you know with them and with interruptions generally, but I’ll tell you what I do that drives everybody in my family crazy and they’ve told me and I just can’t quite seem to break this verbal habit if [00:09:27] I’m listening and really engaged I can just find myself saying hmm interesting hmm interesting, which is kind of repetitive and it’s probably annoying and [00:09:42] especially for Pepper. He feels like that signaling to him that I’m not listening, that I’m just sort of giving him a verbal filler and that maybe I don’t even disagree with what he’s saying and that it’s just a generally boring conversation and I’m like, no you are interesting. I find [00:09:57] I find you. Hmm interesting. That is it drives himcrazy. So I was talking to someone on the phone  [00:10:13] and he had asked some questions and I was sharing and he started saying hmm interesting and it was the first time I’d heard repeated back to me what it what it kind of feels like to be talking and someone say that that word interesting and I was like, [00:10:28] I don’t know that I like that either! So that’s what I do. What about you Mary Scott? 

Mary Scott” All right. So, you know, I’ve been in politics for a while about to roll off the Alabama State Board of Education, but I’ve been in politics and Liz and I’ve [00:10:43] partnered in some of those efforts and in campaigns. I find that I use annoyance like a weapon sometimes, you know, if I don’t like somebody or I’m I’m just really annoyed by them. I’m just going to annoy them right back, [00:10:58] you know, and I figure out what annoys them like whatever it is, you know, and I’ll just give it right back and I don’t know that’s just my My little devil on my shoulder. But [00:11:13] how about the one I do and not like I do this all the time, but you know what, I do the most often with my husband is when I just can’t win a fight, when I can’t win an argument or a conversation. I’ll say [00:11:28] John you don’t know everything Then I just throw my hands in the air and walk away. And he just hates it! And I know it!

Liz: That is so funny because I love it. I love it because I [00:11:43] feel like that is a great. I mean, it’s not a good thing about you Mary Scott’s not a good thing to do but it’s funny. All three of us have such smart successful husbands that it can get frustrating sometimes like you don’t [00:11:58] know everything. 

Rachel: So true. Okay. So should we dive into just some 5 tidbits 5 factoids about annoyance that I was learning about. I was doing a little bit of reading so and let me say that the first two come from a NPR [00:12:13] Science correspondent Joel palka and his co-author Flora Lichtman. They wrote it in a book called Annoying: the Science of what Bugs Us, and they say that as a standalone topic annoyance has not really gotten much play that [00:12:28] different fields of research allude to it as one of these range of emotions. There’s a lot of research into anger for instance. But as a standalone emotion annoyance is kind of an emerging topic, so they wrote this book and there’s some interesting things in there. [00:12:43] And first let me mention that they say there’s some really common pet peeves like finger scratching on a chalkboard that sort of simulates the sound of a scream that’s that’s pretty common, but that there are others that are completely unique to people. So let’s just say [00:12:58] maybe most people are bothered by hearing one side of a cell phone conversation. I guess we call it a half-a-log, right? But how many of us get super annoyed if say a cashier gives you your whole change in your hand rather than counting it out. They gave [00:13:13] they gave that as an example of one that some people get super annoyed by you know, but we all kind of had these little unique pet peeves but one thing they said I found so super fascinating that they share generally three characteristics and we can remember them [00:13:28] because they all begin with U.

So according to Palka and Lichtman whatever is going on will likely lead to annoyance if it is a. Unpleasant b. Unpredictable. So for instance, you can’t get away from [00:13:43] it. You don’t have control over it, you know, if you’re annoyed by mosquitoes, but you can go inside the house. Then your annoyance is going to stop once you go inside but if you’re trapped outside that sort of an unpredictable. You don’t know when you’re going to get bitten and it’s just going to go on and on and [00:13:58] then the third U there is it’s of Uncertain duration. So not only can you you know not get away. You have no idea how long the unpleasant thing is going to last and I I really feel like well, 

Mary Scott : Maybe that’s why we all talked about our spouses; because we can’t get away! It’s for the rest of your life!

Rachel: y’all whaen I read those three I was like UH, [00:14:13] at the doctor’s office. I find myself getting annoyed [00:14:28] if I show up on time. I am led back to the waiting room and you’re just sitting there. It’s kind of unpleasant. The minutes are frittering away. And you know, it’s unpredictable. You don’t know when the doctors going to walk through the door and it’s of uncertain duration. How many [00:14:43] minutes am I going to waste and I find this kind of really makes my temperature rise a little bit. So what do y’all think does that resonate with you? Do you think those parameters are true unpleasant unpredictable uncertain duration? 

Mar Scott: I think so and it all yeah, there’s [00:14:58] a lot we can joke about and it’s a funny topic because you know it’s annoyance it but I think the authors that you cite are right and that we need to take it seriously because annoying people, and I’m thinking about one of my children. He [00:15:13] he’s such a great kid and he’s got so many gifts and talents and so much to offer, but he’s at an age that he can just be kind of annoying and it’s affecting him at school and it’s affecting him with his teachers. [00:15:28] And and so I think I mean John and I were kind of laughing about it. But I think I think we should take this a little bit seriously and talk to him frankly about it and the effect that it has. You don’t want to be as a rule. I mean, yeah, they’re these little things that you do, you know, but you [00:15:43] don’t want to be annoying and knowing what the science says those three Us I think can help you in your own, you know, your work your family your church or Community. I think that it it all seriousness it I mean it really [00:15:58] is an important topic. 

Liz: I agree the so the unpleasant one is a given but I never really thought about the unpredictable part and the uncertain duration, but that really makes sense. I really liked both of the examples that you gave, Rachel [00:16:13] because I’m one of those people that mosquitoes just love like during the summertime. My legs are usually covered in mosquito bites and have since I was a kid and it’s so annoying particularly because it seems like nobody else around like I’m just the magnet like I keep all the mosquitoes [00:16:28] away from other people.

But and the uncertain duration part there is nothing to me that is more frustrating than when people are disrespectful of your time. And so that I mean maybe that’s what I [00:16:43] should have said and what my biggest pet peeve is is if you if somebody is and I know I’m guilty of this too, but if somebody is late to a meeting or if they you know, if you’re at a meeting place and then all the sudden, they’re like, oh [00:16:58] wait, I can’t be there that is that is something that is frustrating because you’re like, well this time is an investment in the people that but I that I see valuable, so if they’re if they’re not showing that same level of dedication, that’s frustrating. [00:17:13] Mmm. 

Mar Scott: And I think that’s really important for our listeners that work, you know in an office setting. I think it’s really important to think about what might annoy your bosses your co-workers your colleagues [00:17:28] and having a knowledge about the science of it and really giving that a little thought I think, you know, you don’t want to not get a an opportunity to advance just because you’re annoying. I mean, that’s really something you can fix. 

Rachel: Hmm. Absolutely. Well [00:17:43] and the second one has to do a little bit with work Behavior. We can extrapolate to work so number two interesting tidbit about annoyance. So a 2016 study in the journal personality and individual differences found that women they may tend to [00:17:58] be more friendly than men but that we tend to be more sensitive to other people’s annoying Behavior than men when it comes to certain Behavior. So in this study that annoying Behavior was considered boorish such as being antagonistic, controlling, maybe overly affectionate [00:18:14] that women are just tend to pick up more on those cues were more sensitive to that and maybe even the Dynamics of the room and it just works us a little bit more. However, this is interesting. I’ll let this be number three this y’all this about killed [00:18:29] me.

What counts as a rude Interruption so Interruption frequently came up in things that annoy people being interrupted but what counts as a rude Interruption depends on your gender! So women [00:18:44] yes women who enter up interrupt tend to be thought of by men not necessarily by women, but by men as annoying and boorish in ways that their male counterparts are not so a recent study from a Stanford [00:18:59] linguistic Scholar showed that when men interject their thoughts in a conversation men can perceive that other men doing that as them speaking up while they may judge women who do the same as ruder,less friendly, and get this, less intelligent [00:19:14] than if the interrupter was male. So I’m really curious about y’all’s thoughts on that. Wow, annoying isn’t it sort of intuitively know that kind of a comprehensive study they you [00:19:29] know, they used the same scripts just switch the gender of the speaker and 5,000 people. Listen to the audio clips of interactions. So the one about being perceived. Yeah, go ahead. 

Mary Scott: I’m sorry. I interrupted you. Can 

Rachel: I find you to be very [00:19:44] smart when you do that! Not rude at all. 

Mary Scott: I just received this wonderful letter of reference for a program I’m applying for for women in that have governance duties on corporate boards. [00:19:59] And the letter of recommendation was just wonderful and I but there was a sentence in there that I thought. Hmm. They said he said something like she listens thinks and responds [00:20:14] and I thought I guess I do that. I hope I do that but I thought I don’t know. I was kind of annoyed like I have to like, I don’t know it was a little bit like I’m supposed to like, [00:20:29] you know bevery very careful about interjecting myself, and I thought I don’t know if I need to do that or not. 

Liz: I think that sounds like high praise to me 

Rachel: I think so too.

Liz: It sounds like that the this person who wrote this recommendation sees you as a thoughtful person who gives [00:20:44] thoughtful feedback. And I am very guilty of this of not doing that of being like okay. I have a thing I want to say I’m going to say it without having thought it through all the way and I’ll find myself in the middle of a sentence being like [00:20:59] Oh, no, where was I going? I think maybe I could I should learn from you and learn to what was it? You said listen, think, and then respond. 

Mary Scott: I guess I wondered if he was saying [00:21:14] that because that was his ideal or because that was what I really do. I don’t know that I really, I guess maybe in the settings where he would see me then yes, I would do that. But I think that what it says is that he values that.[00:21:29] This is a very secure successful male executive and I think what it says is that he values that and I guess when he’s seen me and the settings are he’s interacting with me. He’s you know, that’s what I tried to do. But so I do [00:21:44] think that backs up your science, Rachel that you cited that men would see interruptions as less smart, more annoying. 

Liz: So I was I had a conversation with a friend of mine who’s an HR [00:21:59] the other day we were talking about and I’m sure we’ll have a future episode on this but we’re talking about salary negotiations and maybe some of the differences in men and women and one of the things that she said was that she does see differences in people over the age of about [00:22:14] thirty but for younger people she doesn’t see those differences and and even going from salary negotiations to interviews for the job to how they conduct themselves in the workplace that the some of the discrepancies between [00:22:29] men and women are disappearing with I guess the as not even Millennials anymore. I think the youngest Millennial is like 25 now, but the younger people coming straight out of college going into the workplace. So I think that might be an interesting thing to see how it changes [00:22:44] as a guess as we move into a time when more men and women see each other as equals in the workplace, hopefully. 

Rachel: Mmm, definitely. Okay. So number four the things that Annoy Us will and maybe this [00:22:59] isn’t surprising but the things that annoys are going to depend upon our personality. So another recent study in the Annals of Medical and Health Sciences research looked at personality traits to see if any types of people or personalities are say more annoyed by [00:23:14] noise than others and I thought this was interesting. There’s no significant relationship between noise and factors such as age sex marital status and education, but quote, “negative people,” are more [00:23:29] likely to suffer from noise annoyance than others. There’s a significant relationship between what you know neuroticism and noise and no idea noise annoyance. And of course neuroticism is one of those five factor personality psychology terms [00:23:44] that at least Wikipedia defines as being prone to psychological stress, you know, experiencing unpleasant emotions easily such as anger anxiety depression and vulnerability. So when I read that I was like, oh no, what does this say about me that I get peeved [00:24:02] by these little silly noises in the chapel when people are just praying. I’m like, I’m not negative! But I think that was interesting that you know noise really does rate up there as one of the top [00:24:17] annoyances a top pet peeve that people tend to just something related to sounds or noise and at that can kind of depend on our personality. But I mean, what do y’all think do you think that any of your pet peeves have to do with your specific personality that maybe [00:24:32] you know, someone else with a different temperament different personality just isn’t going to care as much.

Mary Scott: I don’t think it’s Universal, what annoys people. I think there’s probably a few things that you can you know, like when you’re trying to teach your kids, you know Christmas time, especially the [00:24:47] I forget the movie but it’s don’t be a jerk, you know, you hear that throughout the movie and it but there’s some value to that don’t be a jerk, you know. So there’s some common things that you can you can think about for yourself. You can think about teaching, you know, your children that are [00:25:02] you know that annoy people and you know, they do but I do think also that sometimes that’s a little unpredictable and if you care about someone whether it’s a you know, a spouse or significant other or a colleague at work or you know, whoever [00:25:17] a friend if you I think you do take the time to figure out what annoys them and try not to do it 

Liz: And Mary Scott what you are describing as called being a considerate person. That’s a good thing to be I think it but like you said it can [00:25:32] be very unpredictable. And that is one of the three U’s that Rachel described earlier. But if you if you know, there’s a thing that whether whether or not it’s something you do that somebody finds annoying, you know, be considerate and and help them and help [00:25:47] make sure that they’re not exposed to that unnecessarily, I guess 

Rachel: have y’all heard of the Enneagram? It’s kind of a hot personality test right now. 

Liz: I haven’t taken the test.

Rachel: me neither. Yeah. I haven’t taken the test yet, but I keep hearing it. One of my favorite podcasts is building a story brand with Donald Miller. His most [00:26:02] recent episode was with Ian Cron who wrote a book about the Enneagram and it kind of walked you through the nine different types of Enneagram and the you know, the do’s and the don’ts with those personalities and I thought about that as we were thinking through these pet peeves because [00:26:17] some of the personalities, you know, if you if you get to know them and you think about it in terms of the Enneagram you you’re going to treat them a little bit differently as you said Liz out of consideration not necessarily manipulation. So for instance Donald Miller said, he’s a [00:26:32] three on the Enneagram and he really wants people when they communicate with him to get to the point and it drives him crazy if they sit down, it’s a business meeting and you know, there’s a lot of shooting the breeze and what he feels like is wasted of time. Whereas that personality [00:26:47] really wants to connect first. They want to make sure they know who they’re talking with but people who know him well have said that you know, they prefer if they just kind of get to the point and you know treat him well in that way so [00:27:02] I guess there is a little bit of you know, just trying to pick up on cues about what kind of person someone is and then just being considerate and saying, okay. Well this this probably will tend to bother them. Let me think through how I can communicate most effectively 

Mary ScottL and we really are in such a world right now [00:27:17] with social media and talking over everyone on the news and that that consideration of others is not valued as much as it should be

Rachel: True. Okay. So number five. Let’s wrap [00:27:32] it up here with the last thing that I didn’t know about annoyances. They aren’t just irritating but apparently they can really have a very real effect on our health. So a study in the European Journal of Public Health found there’s a strong relationship between and again, this is [00:27:47] noise annoyance. There’s a lot of literature on that but between noise annoyance and poor mental health and higher levels of perceived stress. And this was with individuals living in apartment style housing in Denmark, you know have to deal with noise from Neighbors and traffic and they measured that and found [00:28:02] it, you know, it did affect health and you don’t have to say I can see how this would be true in proportion to how annoyed I am maybe my cortisol is rising and especially from escalating from annoyance to anger that stress is going to affect our health, but one psychologist. [00:28:18] He hypothesized that annoyances are akin to what he called hassles. There’s some scientific research about how small hassles can all add up and affect our health in poor ways. So like I think the example he cited from [00:28:33] some research was that mundane hassles like doing favors for a neighbor that maybe you don’t want to do on a regular basis can put you at risk of poor health. So you know with that what should what are you guys thoughts on sort of coping with annoyances [00:28:48] or hassles? You know, I mean and I have to say that some of these experts have come to the conclusion that there isn’t much you can do to stop getting annoyed because the things that bother us sort of transcend reason and are hitting us on a cognitive and physiological level, but dare I ask anyway, [00:29:03] how do you deal in situations where you’re chronically annoyed? 

Liz: All Rachel? All I know is the whole time you were talking. I wanted to say hmm… Interesting!

Rachel:  I’m geeking out on this and [00:29:21] 

Liz: that is that is so interesting is so interesting. I had never thought about it annoyance having tangible effect on somebody outside of just you know, the the in the moment in the moment. I mean you talk about noise and [00:29:36] a lot I makes sense. You hear about men and women coming back from wartime situations and having tinnitus and it have it how that constant ringing or buzzing [00:29:51] or roaring in the ears will make them uncomfortable and lead to undesirable outcomes, like inability to sleep and that kind of thing separate from any other kind of trauma, they might have from that situation. But man, I never thought about [00:30:06] something that I do that annoys people maybe being bad for somebody’s and mental health. That’s a big burden. 

Rachel: Yeah, and I think we’re those three use how that helps me and as I’m processing how I can be a better kinder person in my Chapel when people are noisy is I do think it’s [00:30:21] that self-awareness helps me so much. So if I see something coming that’s obviously unpleasant and that, you know, there’s a stimulus there that’s bugging me and I realized that it’s unpredictable and it’s going to be of Uncertain duration. Maybe I can start to go ahead and [00:30:36] just say oh this is kind of funny. I’m entering into annoyance pet peeve land and I need to start taking deep breaths. But really just I think awareness goes so far and then I think the last thing that I [00:30:51] would probably tell myself is to open up and allow, and I think I’m pretty good at this. I actually kind of enjoyed it allow my friends and family to poke fun at me and let me learn what my blind spots and eccentricities are. The things [00:31:06] that I do that are probably annoying really, you know, when they point that out kind of try to laugh at it so that I can say, you know what? I am probably just as annoying definitely just as annoying as some of the other people that I find so annoying so I think [00:31:21] that can help as well. Well, this has been a pleasure as always to talk with my good friends and we are so excited that you joined us on Belle Curve and we will see you next time!

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